spring flowers 2010

These first two pics to the right are from April and May of 2009!


These are my flowers i planted over 5 years ago. I was really sad to leave them and was determined to take them w me. They had special meaning to me. I just didn't have time to dig them up and i was worried w them already having bloomed that they wouldn't survive..so many said just buy new... but they have special meaning to me and i just can't. they were something that made me really happy. So a friend(Liz) went and dug them up for me and surprised me. She wrote me a story that brought tears to my eyes!!




"we (Brandon, Breanna and I) went and dug up your bulbs and brought them here and I planted them. I put them in the south east corner of my front flower bed because that is the closest I could plant them to you. They are yours whenever you want them, but until then, they will survive. They are not real happy right now, they have been uprooted and moved where they may not want to be. They are wilted and a little uncomfortable in their new surroundings, but they will become stronger and they will bloom again and again. Sounds like someone else I know. You are loved and although things may not be the way you want them to be right now and you may not be exactly where you want to be, you are a little wilted but now you will get comfortable in your new environment and you will bloom again and again. I love you."

I don;t know what to say to this but how greatfull i am. It meant so much to me that is why as soon as i read the email i cried, but tears of joy. I had been asking so many for days to help me out... to dig them up. I didn;t want to ask her, as she had so much to do, to get ready for her trip and needed to spend time w her family. So thank you agian! I love you too!

EXPERIENCE! & Positive!

Ok I was on lunch in my breakroom the other day.(bad me i was mad that day and was ripping on macys w another employee who was just on break(i was ticked about not getting my breaks that day and having to throw a fit about my lunch, and ticked cause i got pulled into the stockroom that day also by a manager and that was not my manager because of this whole issue). And another employee came(katie) in for her lunch and feed right into our negitiveness(bad example of me)(she was losing her job cause her department was being closed down(gift wrap). Than the other employees left. It was only me and Katie! I had seen her before but forgot she worked in gift wrap. I think she saw my CTR ring or i am not sure what it was that brought on conversation her asking me if i was LDS( i do not truly remember)( than i felt i wasn;t a very good example!) So i asked her if she was and she told me yes. Than we just started talking and were the only ones in there most of the hour. Some reason i just told her about my whole crap going on in my life. She told me she was a convert, and than told me of something she had concerns that she was really upset about. One about how she wasn;t sealed to her parents and her brother got a divorce and it was a temple divorce and there were kids involved. She was so worried about what happens to the kids. I did not have answers for her on all of it but just that she was at least sealed to her husband i told her. And than she told me about something really personal about a personal trial in her life that she almost left effect her marriage and i gave her a scripture to read that helped me deal w my trials! I asked her if she goes to the temple often and she did tell me it had been a long time. Than i got home and i realized i gave the wrong chapter but i had the verse number right, lol I gave her d&C 127:7 but it was supposed to be D&C 122:7. I kept thinking i am going to have to tell her i gave it to her wrong. So now skip three days. I enter the breakroom for my lunch and she is sitting in there and we talk for a bit. She told me her husband and her went to the temple and she read the scripture when she was there. She told me it gave her peace and an answer to her questions of her family not all being sealed together right now and how she felt the spirit overwhelm her, which was i guess what was bothering her the most for a while. And all cause i gave her the wrong scripture...he works in mysterious ways!!! Must have been meant to be that i gave her the wrong one. this is totally not like the old me to just give out scriptures for people to read just so you know. Because of what i have gone threw i know i have gained so much strenght spiritually and it has changed my life..I know at times i focus on the bad things but i know it has given me so much strenght and is making the person i am now!

support and journalling

I sometimes forget that i need to write what i am greatful for everyday. I still need to get a book just a cheap one from the store to write in and to write what i am greatful for everyday. I know that helps and thinking in more positive way really helps. And so in last nights blog i forgot to write that i am so greatfull for friends. I am greatful for family but not so much right now as i am so much more greatful for friends and there support but they are like family to me anyways. I know we are sisters in Zion in the whole big picture! So you are just like my sisters. So thank you so much, it means so much to me for your love and support! Love you all!

post

i decided i will not post anything until i can post something positive. And i feel i don;t have very much positive to say! If the one Positive thing i can say right now is i am greatfull i have a job where i can go to get away from things, and i am greatfull for that my HR and Manager that they sit and listen to me! and work w me and my manager is so understanding!

Moving day

Ok i am going to tell you that moving day was the worst ever! I moved on Sat well i moved all week long, but the almost last day i moved was on Sat. I wil tell you that it was extremely emotionlly hard on me ...about as hard a one bad night i will call it!!!!I needed a blessing for like a day and a half since i was shaking so bad but i don;t know what is wrong w me why i just don;t ask for it! and than i was mad at myself for not asking! I felt more alone this time! I felt like i started all over agian and that made me really upset, i knew i still had the strenght i had before but not as high and happy as i was before the move and i didn't feel the comfort as much as i felt in the beginning of all this mess which made me hurt even more and i felt angry which i hadn;t felt in a long time ...but someone at work today did compare me to a phoniex which dies but comes to life from the ashes and always keeps going and has great power and strength. I guess i can;t see it right now but i know i will be strong and see it later...but i feel this is a scare(was pretty tramitizing on me) on me right now and it will go away in time. Sorry this wasn't very positive..the only positive thing is that the next day i went back to the house on Sunday and i had a terrible feeling being in there and it didn;t feel like my home anymore..which was pretty sad!!

painting day!

Okay so we(Liz & the girls) went to paint my room at my new place where i will be living today. It was Bright orange so we had to put primer over it. I tried to get tinted primer but that guy convinced me to get white he explained to me twice and so i did.

But we worked hard. I am not so good at painting so i think i was kind of slow but Liz was fast adn she was really super tired today. Which i felt bad but i knew i needed her help. she made us lunch before we left for later, which was so thoughtful. We ran out of primer so Liz went back to her house to see if she had any there and while she was gone handy girl took all the pics of me. She did a great job i didn;t even edit them or crop, i was super impressed! What a photographer! She is so cute how she likes to do her little special pose! Baby bug like having her pic taken too. I let the two of them paint on the wall and they were so excited to get to paint. I was wondering if i was crazy to let two little children paint on the walls, lol. After a break we began to paint agian w this blue gray color(which i got all over the floor since i am a klutz and stepped on the lid..oops! We had some other stuff to do so we had

to leave even though we weren;t done. But later in the evening i wentback and painted some more i think i was crazy. i ended up being pretty tired that i think i went really slow. I got most done but didn;t finish even still.i gave up and you are giong to think i am truly crazy it was 1245 when i left. And it frustrates me that i still didn;t finish but oh well. I am sad cause tomorrow is moving day and i am not really ready. i thikn i could use another week to finsh things in my time. But it isn't going to happen. I think i am going to have them take all the big stuff and i will have to finish packing after that. I thought about going and digging out my air mattress and bringing here and stay here till monday morning so i can get all my stuff done i need too!

Thanks

Wow it went from a total mess in one day from the morning to totaly clean and so much has been accomplished! the moving is coming along. It does make me a little sad but it hasn't hit totally yet and i am not going to let it yet! I am so greatful for my ward and all the sisters who came and helped. They are all so amazing! I do feel truly blessed. I just can't even express how greatful i am. I think maybe someday i can pay it forward what has been done for me! Thanks

freaking out

Okay a lot of stuff did get done today i know but it is hard seeing things like this. First the stuff everywhere drives me crazy and than the emotional connection to everything,even the home, it starts to not look like home and it is really hard! My neighbor came over and wow she just got to work and emptied a ton of stuff. All of a sudden i have no plates to eat off and no cups good thing i found a glass. And my laundry is still in the dryer from this morning. I need help folding it! And i am totally out of boxes! My anxiety level has only been this high once before. I just hit a road block and i am done for the night. I am going to eat this whole bag of jelly bellys if someone doesn't stop me!!!! abd i will think about if i will get out of bed tomorrow! Im not kidding!

to do list

Get out of bed-done lol
shower ad get all ready-done even did my hair
eat breakfast-done
made bed-done
washed some laundry-three loads and almost done i just need someone to fold them now
unload dishwasher- done
mop floors-done it did happen lol
work on packing up all my rubber stampinf stuff and scrapbooking stuff-working on almost done
find phone number of person to come get table and ask them to come another time-done
Take a nap- tried just too much anxiety its getting really bad today may need a blessing
Take pics and list stuff on craigslist-
go threw clothes in my bedroom closet, see what i can get rid of-worked on and got almost done
call the housing place-i get extra few days before i have to move now Ya!done
Vacuum house-done
dust some stuff-
cleaned litter box-done
hang up dry clothes in closet- done

Oh my why is it when you are packing it makes the house a mess it is driving me crazy i can't stand it a mess. It takes me a lot to just let people come over when it is a mess( i knnow they don't care, it probably isn't even that messy but i worry if people think it is okay it is now), i am OCD not extreme just a little, but i like things in my life in order and it is somethig i am working so hard on just lettig it go ad not bother me. I don't know why i am like that.

today

Today i am going to box stuff up/ pack and who knows what else, didn't box anything up yet but its only 938pm. I guess go do a few errands and stuff alsoI got a lot of errands done and Liz got some of hers done too but i hope it was as much as she wanted to get done, but made me feel better that while i did some of mine she could get hers done,. thanks for driving me everywhere.Balace the check book that has seem to taken me days to do, i just put it offdid that in the car as Liz did one of her Errands which was perfect. and maybe i will get to mopping the floors todayno but the floors will live. Yesterday I was bad(not the day) casue i ate more cake and treats. Yesterday(sunday) was a very nice and peaceful day! And of course like always church was wonderful. I loved the lesson in Relief society. I got to take a nap which i needed so much w the time change.I layed down w Baby bug to help her go to sleep, not intending to take a nap and i have no clue who feel asleep first! Oh it was so hard to get up today(monday)time change. I than went to my moms house for a birthday party for all the march bdays. So there was cake and that is where i ate more cake. it was a yummy weekend! we also went to check out my new place to see the size of it and so handy girl could see where i was going to be living. I was told the other day she finally realized i was moving and i think she was sad.

Birthday cake/ ECLIPSE

Okay so i was having a great day and of course something has to go wrong at work, but oh well. I had plans to go pick up my little sis and take her w me on some errands tonight and than go get pizza from Papa Murphys(my favorite place... chicken garlic is my fav). And she was going to help me box some stuff up. But she had to end up babysitting my other sisters kids. my mom was watching but she needed to go some places. So i did one of my errands and than went to get my pizza anyways. i would just eat it by myself(all for me!) Liz called me and lifted my spirits! Thanks! And than i went home cooked my pizza went to start some wash remembered i was out of laundry soap. My home teachers dropped by but i had the wash already going so i just left them in my house while i ran next door to get some soap from Racheal and we started talking but not long(oopps forgot about home teachers lol). She gave me some birthday cake she made today was her daughters birthday i was invited but i had to work during the day. than i ran home and put soap in the wash and than sat down and talked to my home teachers. They left i had to now get laundry hung up out of wash so i ate half of the piece of cake(nice i ate that before i ate dinner). I got the laundry hung up. My best friend Jennifer b stopped by, her daughters birthday is tomorrow and they had a party for her today. So i got more birthday cake ad she brought me birthday cake ice cream from scwhans(oh i love there birthday cake ice cream). And she chated w me for a bit, thank you so much Jennifer! So i finally sat down and ate my dinner at 930 at night. I ate too many pieces of pizza, most of one piece of cake ad part of the other and most of the ice cream. Ok i just threw my diet for the day out the window. I ate cookies and a soda(first soda in over a month) at work today. Bad me bad me!!! I don't know what happened today. I might feel sick for eating to much. But it all taste so right, lol! Very good cake to both i would say! I never got my check book balanced but oh well cause i am way to tired. The clock says 10;08 but that means 11:08 don;t forget about the time change. Lets see how many don't make it to sacremenat, lol not funny but it is. I keep rubbing my eyes and if i don't stop i am going to pop out my contacts(forgetting i am wearing them cause i am not used to them). So it is time for me to go to bed now cause i am so tired!

Oh and i am so excited i just remembered i need to take off JUNE 30TH! I am already putting it on my calender to go see Eclipse. Lets make it a girls night out who wants to come? I know Jennifer B will be there! she sent me a link to this trailer. wish my sounds wasn't broken so i could hear it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZqNO-ctpZc&feature=youtube_gdata

about me section

ok so i was trying to edit my blog profile i what i wanted to write wouldn't fit in there so i will just post here i copied it from facebook.

When i was 19 i was diagnosed with having PCOS, i was so young and innocent that i had no idea of the journey that would be ahead of me. So I don't have children but it is okay cause i have learned that he has a plan for me and sometimes its not how we plan things, i will have faith! Im a very crafty person and i love to scrapbook and make cards. I used to be a Demonstrator for a company called Stampin Up! but life was just to busy. I work fulltime at Macys in Neo Sportswear dept. Yes i love working their and i am so greatfull for my job and the what they offer, reason i have been their almost 13 yrs! My family is one of the most important things to me. I love to do many other things, baking(best at sweets lol), entertaining, decorating, anything artsy. I love spending time w friends. I love listening to music, especailly spiritaul music. I love going on Vacation with the fam(i think its so important to get away and spent time with the ones you love. I love to read( i love The Twilight series). One of my big flaws is i"m the worst speller in the world. im so a girly girl, i love shopping and pretty sparkly things.I come from a big family of 5 sisters and 2 brothers & now i have many, many neices & nephews whom all i love very much. Our trials in life our not easy and i am learning to move forward and have faith!!

post

I guess i should just go back to posting pics and my stories, seemed to work out just fine.

Temple

I went to the temple last night. I had a hard day yesterday but there are always bumps in the road and you just have to get over them and keep going. I came home from work ate dinner adn than my neighbor Rachel came adn got me and we went to the temple. I had already met her mother who works in the temple last week when i went and did a session. This time her mother did a session w us and that was nice. I had forgot she is the releif society Pres in the new ward i will be in so it was nice to get to talk to her and she hugged me and i really felt my place is to be there in that ward and feel okay w moving on. I do know now that my place isn't where i am at now even thought it will be hard and i am not gone yet so you can't kick me out yet, lol! I got to do a name for a family member of a temple worker and taht was really special. She thanked me as i left for doing that for her. Last night was the best experince i had so far i felt the glory and happiness so strong and so much more than the other times i went. I am truly greatfull to get to go to the temple and the blessings it brings.

Busy Wed

Today i got up at 7am and yes i said Am lol! I got partly ready and Liz came over to help me go threw stuff. She even brought me breakfast now how amazing is that. My breakfast i was going to eat had no protein so thank you! I finished getting ready adn she folded my laundry. Thank you! I really hope she didn't think i was a horder. I know i had a ton of clothes. Some people might ahve had a heart attack to see what i had. And most of them i never even wore anymore and some had tags still on them. We went threw the clothes and made keep pile, try on pile and a what was i thinking pile. I tried on try on pile. I lost a lot of weight in the last few months and i needed new clothes but have no money now to buy new clothes. So i just found about 3 sack full of clothes i can wear, new wardrobe!!!!YA! I gained like about in some progress of time about 110 lbs since i had gotten married. so since June i have lost about 43 lbs and i am going to keep going. I think she took out to her car 12 sacks full of clothes. And we haven't even gotten to my closet in the bedroom yet! Okay I work at Macys if you didn't know! I ahve worked there for 13 years! I had so much fun this morning. We laughed and i think she thought my reactions to some stuff was funny! I went to work just right after. I was so tired today. I wasn't sure if i was going to make it threw the day! Sometimes i feel like my list is never ending. I for some reason in my head I never feel like what i got done that day was enough. Sometimes this is where my sleep problem comes into. I feel like there isn't enough time to sleep, there is work to do ad i know i need to work on this! Good night!

Sad!!!!!! thur/friday!

Thursday night i got really sad. I am moving and had to face reality. I am a super extra sensitive person. I will mis living by my best friend Jennifer B, borrow things from each other was fun, trading meals or sharing meals and treats was so super fun also. I will miss when i just wanted to talk i could go down the street(but that won't stop me i will just drive farther) but most of all i will miss being in the same ward w her, but no matter what i will still be her cheerleader and if she needs me i will go to 6 hours of church cause it is worth the sacrifice! And I was also super sad cause someone(LIZ) cried that night in front of me and told me how amazing i am and strong and how she didn't knnow if she could do what i have gone threw. I really wanted to just cry, i did little tears but that is nothing for me. I do not know what is with me and sitting on the floor and crying. But i just wanted to sit on the floor and cry like no tomorrow. But i had to hold it together. So i went home and than i cried for like 5 hours, i am not kidding. So of course i was in no shape to go to work the next day! so i went to spend time at her house that day, she did have company in the morning for a bit. I was so sad that day also and cried a few times their. Her 2 little girls cheered me up even if they didn't know they did. I know this ones name Baby Bug asked to sit on my lap in computer room, and she just cuddled agianst me for a while...that was like loves for me. Her(Liz) sister came over in the afternoon to work on a quilt and i was told i had to take a nap, i think her name should be changed from skinny sis to bossy sis(lol) JK! I love it! I didn't sleep well even w my medicine to help me relax and sleep for some reason it didn't work to well at least not till way later(weird never happened before) Writing this makes me cry. It is bittersweet...i am so greatfull for the friendship i have gained ad will have the rest of my life, what a blessing that is. I know people come into our lives for a reason and also at certian times also But i am sad to move. I love my neighbors, I love this area, i love my ward, i love the specail person i sit w every sunday. i am so greatful for the strength i received from her even if she thinks she didn't give me that much, yes i know it comes from within but the seed is planted by someone and that is huge and you water it, give it sunshine and so on annd it grows. I know i will be near by and she will be a huge part of my life! And i still plan to come to dinner every sunday and dinner and FHE on monday! And hang out other days too. I would say i hope she doesn;t mind i invited myself but she invited me really! I love you!

New Moon--Nov 09' oh Edwarddddd....LOL

On friday the 20th of nov me ad my best friend Jennifer went out to dinner to the olive garden oh my like one of my and her fav places to go...Yummy food and we even got dessert i remember she got raspberry cheese cake ad i got chocolate mouse pie that was to die for! We are huge Twilight fans..i have read all the books she hasn't yet but i will get her to read them. But needless to say i am a supper extreme obsessive fan. I am like oh where is my Edward!!!! My friend Jennifer is so funny she goes around the house calling her husband edward all day. The Edward in the movie is nothig compared to the edward in the book. After Dinner we went to See new moon. I thought it was very good! I decided i should start rereading the books at that point and i was up to the third one but i got busy w other stuff and got delayed but i will get back to it sometime. When i was on spring break vacation last year i got twilight(dvd) and my nieces watched it and became obsessed also lol. So for her birthday which was in Aug but her mom was hugely prego w twins and so i took my niece Cali in Nov 21 Sat out to celebrate her birthday. I came to pick her up adn she was already sporting her twilight tee shirt, her dad went and got her. She was so cute she was so excited to go out w me and to see the movie. First we went to lunch at primos amd than we went to the movie. I know she had a good time. She told me so loved the movie. I had a really good time and enjoyed spending some one on one time w cali. Now i know new moon is at the dollar theater and i would love to go one more time before it is gone 3rd time is a charm.