spring flowers 2010

These first two pics to the right are from April and May of 2009!


These are my flowers i planted over 5 years ago. I was really sad to leave them and was determined to take them w me. They had special meaning to me. I just didn't have time to dig them up and i was worried w them already having bloomed that they wouldn't survive..so many said just buy new... but they have special meaning to me and i just can't. they were something that made me really happy. So a friend(Liz) went and dug them up for me and surprised me. She wrote me a story that brought tears to my eyes!!




"we (Brandon, Breanna and I) went and dug up your bulbs and brought them here and I planted them. I put them in the south east corner of my front flower bed because that is the closest I could plant them to you. They are yours whenever you want them, but until then, they will survive. They are not real happy right now, they have been uprooted and moved where they may not want to be. They are wilted and a little uncomfortable in their new surroundings, but they will become stronger and they will bloom again and again. Sounds like someone else I know. You are loved and although things may not be the way you want them to be right now and you may not be exactly where you want to be, you are a little wilted but now you will get comfortable in your new environment and you will bloom again and again. I love you."

I don;t know what to say to this but how greatfull i am. It meant so much to me that is why as soon as i read the email i cried, but tears of joy. I had been asking so many for days to help me out... to dig them up. I didn;t want to ask her, as she had so much to do, to get ready for her trip and needed to spend time w her family. So thank you agian! I love you too!

EXPERIENCE! & Positive!

Ok I was on lunch in my breakroom the other day.(bad me i was mad that day and was ripping on macys w another employee who was just on break(i was ticked about not getting my breaks that day and having to throw a fit about my lunch, and ticked cause i got pulled into the stockroom that day also by a manager and that was not my manager because of this whole issue). And another employee came(katie) in for her lunch and feed right into our negitiveness(bad example of me)(she was losing her job cause her department was being closed down(gift wrap). Than the other employees left. It was only me and Katie! I had seen her before but forgot she worked in gift wrap. I think she saw my CTR ring or i am not sure what it was that brought on conversation her asking me if i was LDS( i do not truly remember)( than i felt i wasn;t a very good example!) So i asked her if she was and she told me yes. Than we just started talking and were the only ones in there most of the hour. Some reason i just told her about my whole crap going on in my life. She told me she was a convert, and than told me of something she had concerns that she was really upset about. One about how she wasn;t sealed to her parents and her brother got a divorce and it was a temple divorce and there were kids involved. She was so worried about what happens to the kids. I did not have answers for her on all of it but just that she was at least sealed to her husband i told her. And than she told me about something really personal about a personal trial in her life that she almost left effect her marriage and i gave her a scripture to read that helped me deal w my trials! I asked her if she goes to the temple often and she did tell me it had been a long time. Than i got home and i realized i gave the wrong chapter but i had the verse number right, lol I gave her d&C 127:7 but it was supposed to be D&C 122:7. I kept thinking i am going to have to tell her i gave it to her wrong. So now skip three days. I enter the breakroom for my lunch and she is sitting in there and we talk for a bit. She told me her husband and her went to the temple and she read the scripture when she was there. She told me it gave her peace and an answer to her questions of her family not all being sealed together right now and how she felt the spirit overwhelm her, which was i guess what was bothering her the most for a while. And all cause i gave her the wrong scripture...he works in mysterious ways!!! Must have been meant to be that i gave her the wrong one. this is totally not like the old me to just give out scriptures for people to read just so you know. Because of what i have gone threw i know i have gained so much strenght spiritually and it has changed my life..I know at times i focus on the bad things but i know it has given me so much strenght and is making the person i am now!

support and journalling

I sometimes forget that i need to write what i am greatful for everyday. I still need to get a book just a cheap one from the store to write in and to write what i am greatful for everyday. I know that helps and thinking in more positive way really helps. And so in last nights blog i forgot to write that i am so greatfull for friends. I am greatful for family but not so much right now as i am so much more greatful for friends and there support but they are like family to me anyways. I know we are sisters in Zion in the whole big picture! So you are just like my sisters. So thank you so much, it means so much to me for your love and support! Love you all!

post

i decided i will not post anything until i can post something positive. And i feel i don;t have very much positive to say! If the one Positive thing i can say right now is i am greatfull i have a job where i can go to get away from things, and i am greatfull for that my HR and Manager that they sit and listen to me! and work w me and my manager is so understanding!

Moving day

Ok i am going to tell you that moving day was the worst ever! I moved on Sat well i moved all week long, but the almost last day i moved was on Sat. I wil tell you that it was extremely emotionlly hard on me ...about as hard a one bad night i will call it!!!!I needed a blessing for like a day and a half since i was shaking so bad but i don;t know what is wrong w me why i just don;t ask for it! and than i was mad at myself for not asking! I felt more alone this time! I felt like i started all over agian and that made me really upset, i knew i still had the strenght i had before but not as high and happy as i was before the move and i didn't feel the comfort as much as i felt in the beginning of all this mess which made me hurt even more and i felt angry which i hadn;t felt in a long time ...but someone at work today did compare me to a phoniex which dies but comes to life from the ashes and always keeps going and has great power and strength. I guess i can;t see it right now but i know i will be strong and see it later...but i feel this is a scare(was pretty tramitizing on me) on me right now and it will go away in time. Sorry this wasn't very positive..the only positive thing is that the next day i went back to the house on Sunday and i had a terrible feeling being in there and it didn;t feel like my home anymore..which was pretty sad!!

painting day!

Okay so we(Liz & the girls) went to paint my room at my new place where i will be living today. It was Bright orange so we had to put primer over it. I tried to get tinted primer but that guy convinced me to get white he explained to me twice and so i did.

But we worked hard. I am not so good at painting so i think i was kind of slow but Liz was fast adn she was really super tired today. Which i felt bad but i knew i needed her help. she made us lunch before we left for later, which was so thoughtful. We ran out of primer so Liz went back to her house to see if she had any there and while she was gone handy girl took all the pics of me. She did a great job i didn;t even edit them or crop, i was super impressed! What a photographer! She is so cute how she likes to do her little special pose! Baby bug like having her pic taken too. I let the two of them paint on the wall and they were so excited to get to paint. I was wondering if i was crazy to let two little children paint on the walls, lol. After a break we began to paint agian w this blue gray color(which i got all over the floor since i am a klutz and stepped on the lid..oops! We had some other stuff to do so we had

to leave even though we weren;t done. But later in the evening i wentback and painted some more i think i was crazy. i ended up being pretty tired that i think i went really slow. I got most done but didn;t finish even still.i gave up and you are giong to think i am truly crazy it was 1245 when i left. And it frustrates me that i still didn;t finish but oh well. I am sad cause tomorrow is moving day and i am not really ready. i thikn i could use another week to finsh things in my time. But it isn't going to happen. I think i am going to have them take all the big stuff and i will have to finish packing after that. I thought about going and digging out my air mattress and bringing here and stay here till monday morning so i can get all my stuff done i need too!

Thanks

Wow it went from a total mess in one day from the morning to totaly clean and so much has been accomplished! the moving is coming along. It does make me a little sad but it hasn't hit totally yet and i am not going to let it yet! I am so greatful for my ward and all the sisters who came and helped. They are all so amazing! I do feel truly blessed. I just can't even express how greatful i am. I think maybe someday i can pay it forward what has been done for me! Thanks